[HEIRLOOM TECHNOLOGY

THE WIDOWMAKER:

CUTTING DOWN A TREE ^]

By Tim Anderson

“Screw your courage to the sticking place ...”

—William Shakespeare

WARNING! Get really drunk first. Then it won’t hurt so much when you chainsaw your face off and crush your family.

Step 0. Find a tree to cut down.

No problem. As soon as you know how to cut down a tree, people will sense it and constantly ask you to cut down trees for them.

Here’s some helpful technical vocabulary:

» Equipment Every piece of equipment used in this process is called a “widowmaker.”

» Tree anatomy The tree, and every part of the tree, is called a “widowmaker.”

» Terrain analysis Everything in the vicinity of the tree is called a “widowmaker.”

Act really confident and relaxed, as shown in Figure 0. I’m saying, “You mean this tree over here?”

Step 1. Cut a notch in the felling direction. Make it a big notch that goes more than halfway through the tree. The “mouth” part of this notch faces the direction you want your tree to fall.

152 Make: Volume 12

If the tree is mostly upright and its branches are sort of symmetrical, it will want to fall in the direction of the notch mouth. Tie a rope to the top of the tree to help it fall in the direction you want.

Step 2. Cut toward the notch from the other side. Cut from the other side toward the big notch. It’s just a single cut straight toward the big notch, leaving a thin “living hinge” to make an axis of rotation to control the trunk’s fall. When you get close to the notch, the tree will start to lean away from you. If it doesn’t, or if it leans the wrong way and binds your saw blade, have the Oompa-Loompas pull on the rope tied to the top of the tree.

Step 3. The tree falls.

As the tree starts to lean, make your escape to one side, because the butt of the tree can kick backward. There isn’t any very safe place to be, because huge branches can break and fly anywhere, or the top of the tree could pull something down with it.