Fig. A: Bicycle brake cable snakes up from brake-lever trigger and threads through the extinguisher handles. Fig. B: Cable guide keeps the vinyl tubing in place at the base of the helmet.

Fig C: Extinguisher, extender, backplate, and trigger rod are assembled and ready to go. Screw the garden hose quick-connect onto the helmet tube, and you're ready for combat.

hose quick-coupler to that fitting. 5. Cut the vinyl tubing into two 2' pieces. On one piece, add repair fittings and quick-couplers to both ends; that’s your extender, which will run from the tank to the helmet. On the other piece, add a repair fitting to one end, connect it to the hose nozzle, and run the other end through the wooden block on your motorcycle helmet, from front to back. You’ll have to really jam it in there, and friction will probably hold it in place, or else you can always use epoxy. 6. Attach the last repair fitting to the tube running through the back of the helmet, put on the last quick-disconnect, and your helmet is ready to go. You might want to stabilize the tube by running it through a cable guide at the base of the helmet.

Photography by John Young

(Optional) Epoxy a scrub brush to the top if you want a Roman centurion look. Or clip on some Pelican flashlights if you’re going to battle after dark.

Now Go Have Some Adventures Fill the extinguisher to the index mark on the inside, spin on the collar (some vacuum grease

will help you keep a tight seal), and pressurize the tank to 100 psi. Snap the extender to the tank and the helmet, attach the backplate, strap it onto your back, don the helmet, and you’re ready to rock and roll. You can rule your block, sell justice to the highest bidder, or loan your rig out to those supplicants whose cause is worthy.

Just try to keep your eyes on your opponent when you pull the cable release: the water pressure tends to snap your head back a bit! You probably couldn’t hurt someone with a store-bought water gun (unless you clubbed them with it), but you could definitely hurt someone with your water cannon if you shot them in the eyes at close range. Or if you ask them to carry it for you — it’s heavy. Be careful out there!

 

The author lends his head-mounted water cannon on a two-week basis to those whose causes he deems worthy. Read more at ultimatewatergun.com.

 

John Young is a technologist at Digitas in New York. He enjoys web development, motorcycles, and heavy metal music about European history.